Pre-Thanksgiving Day Hustle 2014

Nov 15, 2014 by

Sometimes, the hustle is real.

You realize that heavy days are looming…

Then fear stops by, bringing the voices…

And you wonder if the wound will ever heal…

the tears will ever stop…
the grief will ever lift…
the memories will ever end…

And only you can hear the screaming…while life goes on for others

It was the best of times…it was the worst of times

a time to learn that I am not in control
a time to trust beyond what I saw and felt
a time to believe, when hope seemed lost

This time last year

 

It was the last time I slept next to my husband.

I remember how quickly he slipped into a coma.
Amy, our hospice nurse, told me to watch for any signs of confusion.
Sam woke up three days before, unsure of which medicines he took and which ones he missed.
He accidentally took 1500 mg of morphine.  Needless to say, he was feeling no pain!

God graciously allowed Sam to slip into a sleep that lasted three days.
In that time, I gently wiped his face and kept him hydrated.
There were no severe symptoms, no struggles…only peace.

I remember our last night together.
I held his hand and went through my list of “Things I’m Thankful For”:

  • I thanked him for being my friend of 28 years, who valiantly protected and loved me like no other.
  • I thanked him for not fearing parenthood and boldly accepting the challenge when I came to him to tell him I was pregnant with our son…before we were married.
  • I thanked him for working so hard to take care of his family and give us a life adventure few are able to experience.
  • I thanked him for never lying to me, for always being faithful, and for understanding me, even when I didn’t understand myself.
  • I thanked him for being a man of integrity, even when others accused or mistreated him, displaying true grace and humility.
  • I thanked him for battling cancer, not once, but THREE TIMES, and doing so with valiant grace and bravery.
  • I thanked him for never giving up on me, never giving up on us, and building an amazing life together.

“They can hear you.  Hearing is the last thing to go.” Amy reassured me.

I thanked him for holding on, even now, because love is that strong.

It’s okay, honey.  I’ll be okay.
I don’t know how, but God has me now.
You don’t have to hold on for me anymore.  I’ll be okay.
We’ll be okay.

 

Go to Him.  He’s waiting for you.

 

Thank you, Lord, for letting me love this man, and for honoring his faithfulness by allowing him to transition in peace.  It was an honor and a privilege to know him, to love and serve him, and to be by his side when he fought his toughest battle…and won.

I love you, Sam.
You will always be my hero.

Sam and Ronei's hands

34 Comments

  1. No words, just tears.

    • Ronei

      You, my dear friend…..we will meet someday #soon. And when we do, there will be tears. Happy tears.

  2. Jane Tuttle

    Such love, strength, and vulnerability. Thank you for sharing.

  3. Wow, wow! You’re an amazing spirit!

    • Ronei

      Thanks Steve!! Likewise. You are an amazing #5AMClub co-laborer. Looking forward to 2015!

  4. Anna Bailey

    Praying for you still and yet so beautifully said!!!

  5. Beautiful peaceful and tearful, one can only hope to have such peace during healing. Thank you for sharing. …”Sobbing now”

  6. Standing with you and for you. Thank you for letting us in, my sweet friend.

  7. Becky Caldwell

    Wrapping you in God’s love today Ronei. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us.

  8. Beautiful, Ronei. Praying for your family and thankful that you are in my life.

  9. So beautiful. So powerful. So perfect.

    Thank you for sharing your heart with the world.

    • Ronei

      I’m so grateful to have a friend like you, Clay. Happy Thanksgiving, my friend.

  10. Kay Helm

    This is beautiful Ronei. Thank you for sharing this journey with us. You have helped me today, and I am grateful. Praying for you.

    • Ronei

      Thank you, Kay. May your Thanksgiving weekend be filled with joy and peace. 🙂

  11. Oh my dear sweet friend.Thank you for sharing once again. My prayers are with you and your children. Love you.

  12. Mike lane

    Words from the heart show us that love like this comes from a deep faith in Jesus Christ. I am honored to be in a group, Dreamers and Builders, that shares this kind of love. Thank you Ronei for sharing!

  13. Love you, Ronei. God is good. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

  14. Matt Hochstetler

    Ronei, what a beautiful tribute! This is the way I think any man would want to be honored and remembered by his wife. It’s awesome that you had the opportunity to spend that time with him and reinforce his legacy with the positive memories.

    Praying for continued healing for your family and hoping to see you this summer!

  15. This is so beautiful. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing this with us. Love you.

  16. Jan Angelini

    My darling niece, how I love you. I admire your strength and faith. Your loss was the entire family’s loss. We all loved Sam. Your memories will be good memories.

    Aunt Jan

  17. Ronei, what a powerful story full of honor, life, and love. Thank you.

  18. Your love for Sam is so apparent and you loved him well until the very end. Thank you for sharing your journey through this with us. This is beautiful, and sad, and yet so full of hope. Sending you virtual hugs right now.

  19. This is the most beautiful thing I have read in a long time. And if I comment any further I may taint this masterpiece.

    My prayer for you is nothing short of sunshine as long as it is called Today. Many, many sunshines 🙂

  20. And I’m sitting here in a puddle of tears. I love you Ronei.

  21. Diane Zimmerman

    Oh Ronei! Beautiful words; tender, sweet love; warrior spirit; peace to you this weekend and always.

  22. This is a very touching, real story Ronei. Thank you so much for sharing your story here and being vulnerable. Prayer for you sister.

  23. Sherry Aus

    Beautiful.

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